THIS MIGHT STING.

THIS MIGHT STING.

The Living Contradiction

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Sugar, we're going down swinging. (/grin) [18 Jul 2005|02:12am]

[ mood | creative ]

[ music | Fall Out Boy | Sugar, We're Going Down (o_o;) ]

The Good News.

Quit the deli today.

Asked out by one of the Russian girls.

Beginning to ink my first simple peice.

Quick course is going well.

Mel is coming to visit in 4 more weeks.

The Bad News.

Grim and Kat broke up.

Doc is going away to college earlier than expected.

Asked out by one of the Russian girls.

- - - - - - - - - - -

So I was supposed to go into work today. >>

Needless to say I didn't. For all the things work has fucked me over on, like hell I'm going to go for the long shift and get my balls busted on the last day by that prick of a manager and Paul. Instead I woke up, woke Mel up, talked for a while before she left for work and I went to the book store to pick up that Harry Potter book (whatever it's title is). I park next to Kevin's car. The car represents him very well with all his unknown band stickers blasted on his dashboard and bumper.

So I go into the book store and he practically bounds over the counter when I walk in.
"Ryan!! It's so good to see you again! (bigscarysmile)"
He immediately grabs my hand with both his smaller ones, shaking it all gentle like. x_x;

Wow. So in three months he went either complete homosexual or just a bit more feminin than before. Still a nice as phuck guy. So I hung around talking to him and two girls that decided to take interest in whatever it was we were talking about for about an hour and a half.

Though there came a part of my visit where I had to actualy tell him to stop touching me. >< His hand kept brushing over my upper arm or my shoulder and ... I hate being touched.
A lot unless I like you.
- ... .. ...
*Like you a lot.

So eventually I was released out into the world again with my new book.

Called up Scott and Grim to see if they wanted to play some Halo, Grim's TV is busted which makes me worry a bit. So he asked if I wanted to have lunch tomorrow (today). Scott jumped on immediately. Then Dragos came on followed by Pawn, Remnant, PROJECT and some Lazy guy that Drag apparently knows.

We're thinking of merging clans together because I've got a small selection of us casual/insane players and we'd compliment "The Fa11en" well. So, whatever. Grim, Pawn, Tanx, Drag, Captain and I don't really consider ourselves hard-core, serious players anyway. So PROJ. is going to pitch it to thier overlord. I don't really care. It'll save me the trouble of making Live friends to find some casual custom/practice/whatever games.

After something hours of playing that Mel calls as she gets off work. We talk for a while and she reminds me her friend's going-away party is tonight. >>
Yeah. I'm as excited as hearing from her after she's done with that as I was when she got home late from the 'tour. But she's a good girl. :/ Trust just isn't something I'm very good at handing out Regardless of how much I really really like her. ><

Might either ink this facial pic of Jay's CMP persona or start the new Harry Pooter.

- - - - - - - - - -

Yesterday was somewhat interesting as it was my secret last day at the deli. I only told the two girls I work with regularly, Nadaia and Oesileya because I trained them, I can trust them to keep thier lips sealed. Trust them much more than Karen and James. >> These last few days of work I finaly look from the outside of how dumb my co-workers were and why it was that they were stuck at that deli. They all complain about how dead-end it is but apparently it isn't enough of a incentive/motivation to get up and look for a new job.

From the decisions they make to the stupid things that dribble from thier hanging lower lips. The girls have told me numerous times of how fast they would quit the deli if WaWa weren't paying for 80% of their apartment and are absolutely amazed that I've been there for a compiled 2 years while going to school. Real nice girls though Oasel doesn't speak the English as well as Nadaia which is probably why I agreed to take her out to the cinema on a day we have off. She's a nice girl though I really don't know nothing about her. Though she was really intrigued when I told her I had an interest in Russian literature and the land. I brought in The Mandate and we flipped through it while out on a puff break out front. So then she starts asking me if I go to the cinema often, asking me what it was like and before I leave she asked if I could one day take her on a day off this week.

So long story short she and Oesil coaxed my cell number from me. Which I feel a bit guilty about but, phuck it. It's a movie and she's leaving at the end of September. I'm just surprised she asked me to take her and not one of the guys her and the other girl's didn't ask me to bull dog away from them.

LOL, it's sort of cute. I'll see Oesil cornered behind the coffee and some 30 year old pervert is talking to her, giving her the hungry eye and I can see her glancing at me often before tilting her head to the subject in need of being chased away.

Wtf, these girls are like 18-22 years old. And these guys are ... my dad's age.

- - - - - - - -

Practically 3am and nothing but a texted 'Love you' has come up from the last hour and a half.
I worry too much. ._.

Hrm. ...

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WHOO! [16 Jul 2005|03:02am]

[ mood | excited ]

[ music | Tiger Army | Annabel Lee ]

OMFG I'M DRAWING SOMETHING HALF-WAY DECENT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS UPON YEARS.

I'm fucking excited. o_o

I can't wait to try and show it to Steph so she can tear me down (although when we tried to keep in regular contact she'd just smile and shrug when ever I showed her my work. That's how I knew it was horrible x_x I can imagine what she'd say now).

It's of course only a facial portrait of Jay's CMP character I think it's better than when I first started it which was- ... an hour ago.

Funny things happened tonight. But I'll post it later. Drawing now.

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The Updates. [13 Jul 2005|02:38pm]

[ mood | calm ]

[ music | Buba Sparx | Ugly ]

1) Mel and I quit XI. Me because it just isn't all that fun anymore, Mel because her ex-fiance canceled thier joint-bank account/life insurance so she needs to create a new account.

2) Picking up my pencil again and having a first attempt at making a short three-four frame comic.

3) Worked at the new job for the first time yesterday with Nik. Time flew by so quick. ><

4) Mel is coming to visit next month for a week and we have uncovered her species. :O

5) Smoking is unhealthy but when you smoke at work you get as many breaks as you want.

6) I REALLY like Chips Ahoy.

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Love & Kisses from Anarchy. <2 [09 Jul 2005|02:59am]

[ mood | sadistic ]

[ music | The White Stripes | Blue Orchird ]

Between this song and liking Stella at a staggering level, I should have stripped at least two fingers from one hand.

Got the new job and as strange as it sounds, the woman said she wants to recomend me for a supervisor's position up front. of course my first question was, "Is the pay good?"

She laughed, leaned in and said under her breath, "Better than you could ever imagine."

Said I could fit it in easily with my school schedule until I transfer which will be in another two semesters.

OMFG I'm going to be making so much more money finally.

Mel however insists I'm better than both these jobs entirely but submitted once I reminded her I'm still trying to go to school. We'll just have to work harder to make it work out this August.

LOTS of co-workers are ticked that I'm leaving the deli. More than I'd imagine. I know James and Paul would miss me but the new girl Karen, Fox, Ted and even the main manager, Diane, she's offering me more money to stay. It's insane.

Now if only I could get back on track with my drawing and writing. :/

... fucking TEXAS.
Why did it have to be FURTHER into this country.

Been playing a lot more Halo in my free time. Grim and Tanx are trying to get me to play Conker again but ... meh. I'll wait until the redneck/crop-duster gamer population dies down. It's as if everyone who played Crimson Skies migrated to Conker on Live.

Just wish we knew more people from Halo that plays Conker. :/

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LMFAO [03 Jul 2005|10:48pm]

[ mood | blank ]

Today is the worst fucking day of my life.

This is incredible.

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OMG MY WORLD IS COLLAPSING. [02 Jul 2005|12:45am]

[ mood | cheerful ]

[ music | DMX ft Saun Paul | Here Comes The Boom ]

I know ... in my mind I should HATE "Stella"

But my heart ... omg my heart tells me to go with it.

I AM SO LOST. ; ; (SOBBSOBB)

"I told you the skunk-tails were a bad idea!"
"(I know I know)"
"I liked the skunk-tails"

"Okay before we go ... were you not convinced we needed the appartment because of the skunk-tails?"
"Oh no we loved the skunk-tails."

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Head-strong. [01 Jul 2005|03:29am]

[ mood | happy ]

[ music | Dropkick Murphys | Warrior's Code ]

Got that new job in the palm of my hand.

Bryan is trying to convince me that if the college doesn't work out immediatly that he'll pay my initiation fee into his union to get a job as an assistant electrition. No prior training required, 22$ an hour.

Now. I could do that. Very easy and fast money. I could get things together VERY quickly with Mel this way and move out before we even leave for London.

But ... she is very persistant in getting me to stay in school until every resource is tapped and I have nothing else to go to. :/
She really wants me to teach.

And I guess I do too.

Well either way I'm getting out of this damn deli. So that's good.

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[13 Jun 2005|01:40pm]

[ mood | grinny ]

[ music | Rise Against | To Them These Streets Belong ]

so look in my eyes,
what will you leave behind once you've gone?
(so precious)
you got what you came for now I think it's time to move on (when will you say)
but these ghosts come alive like water and wine
walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs,
to them these streets belong

my atonement lasts the best part of eternity (eternity)
ran out of hands to count the sin that breeds inside of me (inside of me)
not this hate but the loneliness
has left me here into this mess of

my hands are soaking in the blood of angels
on broken wings, they collapse (will I see the break of day!?)
dark clouds exploded and torrents of rain fell
all these lost halos wash away

head hung from shame we bear a weight that brings me to a crawl (to a crawl)
these years of longing tell of decades of unanswered calls (unanswered calls)
for a change, cause everyday we slip and fall
kicked while were down
our fists clenched into a ball

my hands are soaking in the blood of angels
on broken wings, they collapse (will I see the break of day!?)
dark clouds exploded and torents of rain fell
all these lost halos wash away

so look in my eyes
what will you leave behind once you've gone?
(so precious)
you got what you came for now i think it's time to move on (when will you say)
but these ghosts come alive like water and wine
walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs
to them these streets belong

Rise Against
"To Them These Streets Belong"

- - - - - - - -

Begun drawing again. Huzzah.

Not the best cd I've bought but this song is just great.

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Keep my name out of your filthy fucking mouth, kid. [12 Jun 2005|03:23am]

[ mood | contemplative ]

[ music | The Vandals | -And Now We Dance ]

The vacation is being settled.

I'm going to call up Grim, schedule this at the end of this quick semester and we'll all hit WildWood again.

And then I'll resume the saving for the store and London for January.

- - - - - - - - -

The story that was previously promised:

Some I.R. Tough-Guy, had to have been as old as my fucking dad. He orders a roast beef classic, extra meat. I'm making it, this guy is watching me from the corner of his eyes from the coffee island as if I'm going to spit in it or something. I'm finishing it up and he comes over.

"That doesn't look like extra meat to me. I come here all the time and that doesn't look like extra meat" Mother fucker just gave away that he wasn't local. I've never seen this guy before, and I had worked all damn winter. But whatever. I just grin, hook him up with another sliver of meat. So I'm cutting it and I ask,
"Did you already pay, champ?"
"No. I didn't."
"Well the sandwich will be waiting for you when you do pay for it."

He hesitates, walks to the line to the cash register. I watch him then storm back, slam his ticket on the counter, "Look, I don't want the fucking sandwich anymore."
I grin and respond, "Fine."

He walks a few steps away, comes back and puts the coffee he was holding down as well.
"And I don't want the fucking coffee either! You know what, I'm going to go someplace else!"

At this, I laugh a bit louder.
"Okay then! Go!"

This apparently got him angry.
"I don't like your attitude, where's your damn manager, punk?"

I point to Nick who has stopped what he was doing and now watching this jack-ass creating a hissy-fit. The dope walks over to him and I hear him having his tantrum while I start another sandwhich. As I have a habit of doing, I forgot all about him because, quite frankly, he doesn't matter.

When all of a sudden I hear yelled across the store,
"ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME!?"

I look up, still straight faced. Straight faced since he walked away. And it took me a minute to realize this was the same guy from before. Instinctively I can feel my lips pull back into that usual cocky, wildly amused grin looking at him, thinking how fucking ridiculous this guy is for losing his temper with a 20 year old deli boy!

So I put down my knife and I walk halfway meeting him around the deli case. He points a finger at me and I knock it away and I shout back,
"Mother fucker, are you STILL here!?"

Immediately Nick grabs this guy's shoulder, shouting "It's time for you to leave, SIR"
Amanda is holding my arm digging her nails into my skin growling, "Stop it, Ryan"

So he makes some more idle threats and Nick shoves him out the door.

The guy's breath reeked of alcohol and I could smell the testosterone leaking from the pores in his bald head the second he walked in the door. He was obviously used to people backing down and giving him what he wanted and didn't like the fact I complied to his demand as well as make it quite clear he meant NOTHING to me.

And if he was so sure I would have buckled, he would have swung. But he didn't.

"Because I'm fucking crazy. -and I'll kill you. o_o ..." - The infamous words of Rob

I just wish more people would actually step up to me.

- - - - -

... More importantly however I miss Melissa. And I wish this vacation for her friend would end already. The friends Melany had invited were okay at first but the more she tells me the more crazy this fucker seems. The desperate, ugly sort of crazy. I told her to keep an eye on him and not to let him get too close or alone with her friend.

He seems sick and I can't say I'm too fond of them.

But it goes without saying. What did her friend expect? She's meeting people who play a MMORPG who're obsessed over her. Of course they're going to be ugly as sin. I mean, holy shit! if you're expecting to meet a fucking movie star on XI IRL you'd better lower your expectations quick.

Still doesn't change the fact that I'm worried. And I will worry until that guy gets back on that plane and goes to Georgia. Not so much as for Melissa as much as I worry for her friend's safety. :/

... It's unbelievably how much I hate other males. You can't trust them, they're unpredictable like rabid mutts and half the time they don't know what they're doing. All they want to do is fight and brag about how big their dongs are. I don't know why women but their faith in them at all.

Ah bitter sweet anticipation. Rolls off the tongue like silk and grinds down the throat like shit wrapped in barbed-wire.

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I can't tell if you're laughing- ... between each smile there is a tear in your eye. [11 Jun 2005|03:40am]

[ mood | contemplative ]

[ music | Rise Against | Paper Wings ]

One more day left. >> ...
Goddamnithurryup.

... Anyway though.

Job hunting. Not going well. Got information about the London trip. It hasn't been told how much it has been shortened but I'll leak information to her soon when I talk to her later this morning.

Hung out with Doc and Rob last night. Good fun. Bought another Perfect Circle cd and another Rise Against over Tsunami Bomb and the new Vandals cd. I thought after the last laspe of an album they'd pick up the slack with this one but it's still a bunch of goofy nonsense. I mean, in the older cds when they were funny they made a point along with it. Now it's just ... Weird Al quality. Pointless noise and stupid messages.

Been playing less XI since the vacation began though it is wished of me to hit lvl42 before Monday so we can lvl and I can use the Refresh scroll she had bought me as a gift. Been putting the rapier she bought me as a problem to good use though. One hell'uva sword which I trade back and forth for my Beestinger.

Love the rapier Red Mage.

Sometimes I want to try another job but others are just ... too simple (STAND BEHIND MONSTER HIT IT WITH SWORD; DUR HUR HUR I STRONG AND TALENTED!) At least with the RDM you have to think of what would be most effective.

Aside from that it's been advised against me doing anything else. Sin, Len and Tec all tell me they couldn't see me doing any other job better than I do RDM, even though I still consider myself very amature. :/

Sinner emmigrated. ; ; ... Wtf. And we've only done one Ballista with her. probably for the best. Len and her only knew each other for like ... a day or two and the two were already at each others throats.

And James started on Shiva (server) because he was too hung-over to know how to enter the World Pass numbers. >> So I'll be walking him through that tomorrow but now ... next emmigration I think I'm going to pull Tec and the others with me. I'd like to see how the other servers run but at the same time I don't want to lose Sergee. If I can't emmigrate him to another I'll just tough it out, I don't mind.

But in more realistic news. A 37 year old tried picking a fight with me at work over a fucking sandwich. That however is a story for another time as I'm sick of telling it to people every time another friend opens their damn yap about it. x_x

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Make It Hot. [09 Jun 2005|03:05am]

[ mood | depressed ]

[ music | Methods of Mayhem | Get Naked ]

OKAY. As soon as I pull myself away from XI for a while (after helping James get started) I'm going to do some revisions of my stories.

Jay wants to go to WildWood again. I don't. But then, there really isn't any places we can go on a low income at this time (especialy if I want to go to London again this January).

I want to go someplace but I'm not sure how realistic it is. As well as being pressured to getting my own place but the same obsticles still remain as in lodging for when I transfer colleges.

So really nothing has changed from the last time I posted.

Exciting, right?

Made a quick deviation on my account. Don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I put that up. Maybe I'll just rip it down.

Bought two movies the other day, Friday and The Dirty Dozen. Almost bought "Earnest Goes To Africa" but after some thought, I remembered that I'm not seven years old anymore.

Bought a new cell as well as got my own plan. Whee. Texting without a limit to worry about. It's much better than talking. >>;

... It's going to be a long weekend. I actualy want Monday to hurry the fuck up.

PS:
Oh yeah ... got contacts and everyone has been going frickin' CRAZY.
OMG YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME WITHOUT GLASSES. o_o

... Wtf.

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><... [04 Jun 2005|04:31am]

Metaphor for a missing moment
Pull me into your perfect circle

One womb
One shape
One resolve

Liberate this will
To release us all

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue that's
Keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me in here
I can almost hear you scream

Give me
One more medicated peaceful moment
One more medicated peaceful moment

And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility
Because I don't wanna feel this overwhelming
Hostility

Gotta cut away Clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue
Gotta cut away Clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue that's

Keeping me from killing you
Keeping me from killing you

"Orestes"
A Perfect Circle

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[02 Jun 2005|02:20pm]

[ mood | excited ]

[ music | Ghetto Boys | Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gansta' ]

Still alive though nothing I really want to post here.

Grim and I might try and start a buisness while I'm in school.
Going to London again this December.
Might fly to Texas at the end of this summer quick course for a weekend to visit a friend.

I've been going to bed at 5-6am with a smile on my face for the last two weeks.
I am rather happy.

For XI we're creating a static party consisting of Lenore, Tec, Xulian and myself. I've also organized a Garrison LS for over 35 people already in one night.

I'll start lvling RDM again, I swear. e_e

Suchageek.

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Yellow Light. (Part of me won't agree, because I really don't know if this is for sure) :/ [14 May 2005|11:57am]

[ mood | contemplative ]

[ music | Sum 41 | The Hell Song ]

My mom and Jay have been pushing me to do something with Change In My Pocket (CMP).

Jay in the fact he wants to try illustrating something with my character driven plots for a comic or ... even an animated series from what my mom has been suggesting.

Once I get all my ducks in a row on what direction I want to take the CMP story line in.

I mean that every day I hang out with the guys individually I get a lot of ideas to throw in.

Considering the only person that reads this journal that has seen CMP before Greg's friends server crashed id boom_kitty, so what does she think I should do?

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[14 May 2005|04:08am]

Which Guilty Gear X character are you?

I don't usually do these but ... it's Guilty Gear for Christ sake.

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[14 May 2005|03:41am]

[ mood | excited ]

[ music | BoonDock Saints | Russian Massacre ]

So.

Grim, Tanx and I were playing DOA Ultimate online ever since Grim and I rolled out of AB. And I must say, I love fighting games.

But what I hate is all my friends, even Shaun who is equally obsessed with fighting (for different reasons), after five matches get sick of me winning. ><

I don't like to toot my own horn but I have a talent for this entire fighting thing. And I hate it because no one will ever play with me. ; ;

Before I left to join Tanx's game however, some girl from China totally worked me over with Lei-Fang. I left to join Tanx but said thanks for the schooling. I got a friend's invite soon after. At least now I have someone that can be my glass cealing for this game.

I'll start my art again. I promise.

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"You were just served a plate of humiliation HOW DOES THAT FEEL!? -,,, Oh God get it off me!!" [10 May 2005|01:58pm]

[ mood | bored ]

[ music | Chemical Romance | I Never Told You What I Do For A Living ]

Grim has been pestering me non-stop about moving out. So after a few weeks of him coming after me (and saying he was going to become engaged to Kat if I don't move out with him [which I'm strongly against]) I told him to find a place, a good rent and a good area and we'll see what my money situation looks like.

I've got school to take care of and bills and a real shitty paying job. Any extra time I put in is taken out by OBSCENE amounts of taxes so it ruins the incentive to work harder.

Aside from that, yes, I badly want to move out. But as it stands right now there is no way I could just yet without more income.

Last night we went out to the AB for wings where he told me I brought this entire engagement thing to happen because he won't move out without me or her. So basically my main argument was, "B-but you'd kill Rob. o_o He's never had a serious girlfriend and you're going to get married?"

He's stubborn like me so I can only throw logic at him and if he wants to he'll listen. But she's just coming out of High School. They've barely been dating a year.

- ... Krypto: The Super Dog? WOW.

Bought our tickets for the Episode III showing opening day. I'm going to wolf down so many Snow Caps until I can't close my eyes for a week.

Aside from this crap nothing worth mentioning has happened.

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"-like a bullet through a flock of doves." >D [09 May 2005|03:21am]

[ mood | blah ]

[ music | Chemical Romance | You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In- ]

"If you don't get an 'A' on that essay I'm going to twist your sac so hard you'll be screaming in your sleep for years. Now go home and get some sleep, crazy head. :P"

If that isn't some motivational speech I don't know what is. o_o;

Saw Hitchiker this week.
It blew. So hard.

It was just boring after a while. It couldn't keep my interest at all. The book just comes off much wittier.

Maybe I'll update later. I have finals all week so no new work for a bit.

Huzzah. And made a few new friends on XI that I can pester with questions.

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[04 May 2005|02:27am]

[ mood | calm ]

[ music | Tiger Army | Sea of Fire ]

Applied at Koals yesterday. Three people came up to me while I was filling out the application assuming I worked there. I was in boots, large blue jeans, short sleeved black shirt with another over it.

I looked to see what one of the girls were wearing. Much lighter colours with a small name tag. So maybe it's understandable why they'd make the mistake. :/

Going to draw some tonight after work I hope. I've been getting some ideas with what I want to do. Just have to draw every day if I'm going to get better. :/

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